


It’s All In My Head

by Lady_J_The_Gamer_Gal



Series: All The Queer Kids Play Volleyball (The fic and side stories) [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alt. Title: Dandelions, Blood and Gore, Jessie suffers cause why not, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories, for like 2 lines tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29143581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_J_The_Gamer_Gal/pseuds/Lady_J_The_Gamer_Gal
Summary: ‘You may suffer from hallucinations as an result from your PTSD’‘Hallucinations?’‘You’ll see things that aren’t there. You’re not crazy. Your mind will just is playing tricks on you’Jess has always seen things he's not supposed too. He knows why. Wether he likes what he sees is the question.
Series: All The Queer Kids Play Volleyball (The fic and side stories) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103201
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	It’s All In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: I do NOT suffer from PTSD personally, any and all research is from articles online. If you think I am trying to approbate people who have this condition I am not. But speaking of it, you or a friend or a family member DO suffer fro and and wouldn't mind telling me what is is like I would LOVE that. I would help me know how to better write Jessie and I appreciate it A LOT.
> 
> Also Jess is called Luciel for a reason. Why? You'll see eventually in le main fic. Also this takes place a bit after the chat was created

_‘You may suffer from hallucinations as an result from your PTSD’_

_‘Hallucinations?’_

_‘You’ll see things that aren’t there. You’re not crazy. Your mind will just is playing tricks on you’_

PTSD is something you should never know the meaning of at 6 years old. Let alone have it. No matter how how much time has passed, those images still haunt me. The most recent time I can remember it being a problem was last week.

Nothing new, we were at Hinata’s place. We was us first years. We were studying, or trying in Hinata and Kageyama’s case. I was surprised when they first invited me to these study sessions, mostly due to me not understanding japanese. But after seeing Tsukki tutor them...Yeah I can see why they would want my help.

I had been staring at the paper when I looked up to see the figure of a woman. I knew her. She was my mother. That would be normal for some except 1 thing.

She had been dead for over 10 years.

Not only that it was how she looked. Her clothes were torn and I could see wounds with glass shards in them. On her leg, stomach even her neck had a deep slash. It looked like I could see bone. There was blood all over her, some of it dripping onto the floor. 

“Luciel…” she said in a hoarse voice. Almost like her vocal cords were cut.

It was that which made me exclaim and fall out of my chair onto the floor.

“Jessie-san you okay?” Hinata was the first to rush to my side. He held his hand out 

“Yeah...Sorry guys, I thought I saw something.” it wasn’t a total lie “I guess staring at all this paper is messing with me head heh…” I accepted his hand and he pulled me to my feet. When I looked around, Yachi , Hinata and Yams seemed concerned. Kags too in his own way while Tsukki couldn’t care less.

“I think I should start heading home. It’s probably for the best” I began to put my things away

“Are you sure?” Yams didn’t seem to totally believe me but he also had no idea what was wrong.

“Yeah. Sorry to cut this short. Bye guys!” I waved at them before closing the door behind me. I grabbed the helmet of my electric scooter, it was grey and a few years old. It was a gift to help deal with New York’s busy streets. It has served me well and still does. I put on the helmet and started it up before driving off. The mountains where Hinata lived were nice, but I liked better the country where I lived now. The way I took home passed not only by Ukai’s store, but the park I often went by when I needed to think.

It was there when I saw it. A man and a woman together. A child around 3-4 ish. 

_‘Mommy! Look at the pretty flowers!’_ he had a fist full of dandelions

 _‘Those are weeds Lucy’_ the man said, bending down to the boy _‘They’re not that pretty’_

 _‘I think they’re pretty! They turn into those white puff balls after all!’_ He said puffing out his cheeks

 _‘That’s right Lucy! You’re so smart!’_ the woman picked up the boy _‘My smart little Lucy’_

‘Dandelions…’ I got off my scooter and picked up one. I forgot about that memory. 

When I was young and tried to get over my grief, I thought pushing away those memories would help me get over them. In the end, I paid for it by not being able to remember things. What my parents looked like. What life was like before it all.

Things I should remember, cause it’s all I have left of them. I wiped a tear away from my eye I didn't know was there.

Now in a strange way, the hallucinations were all I had left. Maybe that’s why I was so against trying to stop them.

 _‘You know Luciel, if you make a wish then blow the dandelion, It’ll come true.’_ What do I want to wish for?

“I wish...One day in the future I can see my parents again” I blew and watched as the seeds scattered in the wind. 

I always knew, even years after it, that that accident would change my life. Not just psychically, but mentaly. But I’ll get over it. I just need to remember….

It’s all in my head

I walked through the grass, pasing towers of stone until I found what I was looking for. When I did I stop in front of it, tightening the grip on the flowers I had in my hands. They were all yellow, they almost looked like dandelions.

It was a simple grave. Inscribed was **‘Here lies John and Eilzabeth Dos Santos’** I placed the flowers in front of it

“Hello Dad….Hello Mom...I’m glad I finally got to see you again….” I didn’t stop the tears that fell. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Feel better?” It was my boyfr-fiance Kenneth. He was coming to live with me in Japan and I came to help get stuff sorted out. This however was at the top of my list.

“Yeah...You didn’t have to come with me you know?” I said, wiping my face

“I could’ve, but I wanted too.” He said simply, even though it seemed like he couldn’t care less I knew better. Maybe dating for a while and being friends even longer will do that to you. “Come on. We’re gonna be late for dinner. My dad’s excited to see you again.”

“Lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> I figure he suffered enough so there's some fluff at the end. Also in case it ain't obvious that last part takes place in the timeskip.


End file.
